dumped

0022

Went to the movies with Elizabeth last night. Saw The Spectacular Now. After the movie, I drove her home, and then we were sitting in the car and I could tell she was gearing up to say something.

Travis, she said.

Oh fuck, I thought.

“Yeah?” I said.

“You know we’re both going away soon, and I was thinking,”

“Yeah me too.”

“You were? I was thinking that it’ll be hard to stay together when we’re so far apart,”

“Yeah, I agree. Totally. I think we should focus on meeting new people.”

She looked at me a second then she smiled a little bit, like a pity smile. Then she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and we gave each other an awkward half hug. “I’m glad we both feel the same way.”

“Me too! I was worrying about that.”

She laughed and said “Aw really?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know if you’d feel the same way, but you do, so that’s great.” It was all over, that quick. The whole time I was smiling, and she kept looking at me and it made me feel awkward so I looked ahead out the window. Just then this big old possum waddled across the street under the light of a streetlight. “Hey, look at that ugly thing!” I pointed to it, and it turned its head toward us like it heard me and its eyes glowed bright white and then it ran into the dark and disappeared.

“Disgusting,” Elizabeth said.

We attempted some more small talk, and then said goodnight. Elizabeth said we should try to see each other again before we leave and I said sure. The whole time she wore that same smile and I wore some goofy grin. After she left the car my mouth hurt from all that smiling.

So, if this is how the conversation went, why do I feel like I was just dumped?

I’ve never been dumped before.

And if I didn’t love Elizabeth, why do I feel so empty right now?

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6 thoughts on “dumped

  1. WARPed

    I would suspect this is the first time you’ve experienced a significant, personal loss.

    The ironic part is you knew this wouldn’t last forever, but you still hurt when it happens.

    Welcome to the Human Condition.

    🙂

    -Andy

    Reply
  2. Buddy Bear

    As a high school teacher and father of three kids around your age (and older), I can say that it’s extremely common for high school sweethearts to part ways when they go off to college.

    On a positive note, if you and Elizabeth keep in touch when you move away, my prediction is that you will become best friends… something which will probably be even more special and long-lasting.

    Reply
  3. jayinva

    I think you’re feeling exactly what I’d call normal. A sense of loss, a sense of abandonment, maybe. But as with Kelly, you can sure stay in touch, be friends, get together during breaks, all that. And your life won’t be feeling empty once you get to college and start making new friends!

    Peace ❤
    Jay

    Reply
  4. closetprofessor

    Travis, first of all, I’d love to just give you a hug and tell you that everything will be good, if not great. When something ends, there will almost always be a nostalgia about it, even if you wanted it to end. Also, your feeling like you are dumped because Elizabeth took the first step. You both knew it was going to happen eventually, because you’re going off to college and you both going to meet plenty of guys your interested in. College is like a candy store of hot young men; you’re gonna want a piece of each one, lol. It would be even harder if y’all had not broken up and then found someone away because you would have felt guilty.

    I will give you a story as an example. My best friend, who lives away from here, and as far as most people know is my “girlfriend” met a guy and after dating for about a year or so, got married in January. I almost felt sick to my stomach, yet I was also happy for her. It was still the end of an era. We are still great friends, but there is another man in her life. She was my “beard,” my “girlfriend” who put off suspicion about my sexuality. From what I gather from your posts, Elizabeth is the same way for you. You love hanging out with her, and you probably love her in a way, but you are not in love with her. Now that has come to an end. Hopefully, you’ll remain friends. She might even one day be someone you can share you sexuality with.

    You’re entering the brave new world of college, and you will have a great time. Just remember that you’re also going for an education. It’s the teacher I me that had to,add that last part.

    Reply

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