swimming with jonathan

0027So, I never saw Jonathan after the camping trip, and maybe it’s my fault, since I never texted him. I saw on Facebook that he’s already gone to school anyway.

It’s not like I expected anything to happen. I’m pretty sure Jonathan is completely straight after all. Yeah, we did hang out just the two of us this summer a few times, but I never got any real signals that he liked me as anything more than just a friend.

It was nice hanging out together though.

Still, I wonder. Jonathan hasn’t had a girlfriend since middle school, not that I know of anyway.

And then there was this time at the pool a few weeks back that I haven’t talked about. We were laying out in the sun, and Jonathan asked me what I thought about these two girls who were also laying out on deck chairs, a few yards down and in front of us. I said the one on the right was hot. He agreed with me. We sat there a few more minutes, and I pointed out another girl, and he also approved. This girl was wading in the shallow end with a really tan guy in sunglasses, who had a nice muscular back. For like .0001 seconds I thought about asking him “And what about the dude?” but of course I didn’t.

Instead I pointed out this saggy breasted fat old lady and said I’d take her over all the other girls and he said “How did I not notice her before? Hot momma.” And we laughed and I put on my sunglasses so I could follow this swimmer wearing a speedo with my eyes without Jonathan noticing. Then Jonathan asked me if I would rub sunscreen on his back, so I did. Very thoroughly. I even put my fingers down the waistband at the back, grazing the top of his ass. I got a semi doing that.

We kept people-watching and relaxing. Then we swam some laps and when we were taking a break I told him we should talk to those two sunbathing girls. He said no, like he was too shy. In my opinion, Jonathan has no reason to be shy.

I told him I caught the one in red watching us while we were swimming. He said “Yeah?” like he didn’t believe it but was intrigued. I told him to man up and make a move. He said “A few more laps and then we can go over there.”

Of course, by the time we swam a few more laps, the girls were gone. “You missed your chance.” And he just shrugged and gave a sheepish smile.

Before we were ready to go, we went to the lockers to change. I told him I’d take a shower and on an impulse I pulled down my shorts so I was standing naked. If I hadn’t done it on an impulse I think I would’ve gotten hard, just thinking about doing it. But I was in the moment, and it was okay. Maybe it even looked a little smaller because of the swimming. I maybe should’ve thought about that. Oh well.

Anyway, he definitely looked. Like I saw his eyes trail down and back up. But he said pretty quickly, “Okay, see you in a few,” and he picked up his stuff and went into one of the stalls. So I went and took a shower, alone, and by the time I left the showers Jonathan had already left the locker room, without saying anything to me.

I don’t know what you guys think, but the whole situation seemed a little off to me. Jonathan was on the soccer team, so I would think that he’s used to seeing guys showering in the locker room. He seemed uncomfortable and eager to get away. But maybe I’m reading into these small things too much. Maybe Jonathan is just shy.

Well, not that any of this really matters. Now this is all history.

This will be my last post before I go to college. I leave early tomorrow morning. I’m probably going to be a lot busier from now on, but hopefully I’ll keep up the blog. I’ve gotten faster at typing these things up. So I will do my best to drop in when I get the time. Until then… signing off.

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20 thoughts on “swimming with jonathan

  1. jayinva

    It sounds like your gaydar has been pinging around Jonathan. It’s hard to guess how accurate it is, because, as you point out, sometimes you read too much into it. I know I do.

    Have a safe trip tomorrow. And I hope you can keep us up to date with your new life at college. I think you’re going to have a grand time. I also hope you can finally find it in yoruself to just be yourself and start coming out. I think you’ll be a lot happier, and for sure, you’ll be a lot more likely to find a relationship.

    I was going to wish you good luck, but you don’t need it. You’re locked and loaded, Travis. Have a GREAT TIME!!!

    Peace ❤
    Jay

    Reply
  2. Madison Parker

    If nothing else, it makes for some nice daydream (euphemism, of course) material. 🙂 Best of luck tomorrow getting settled in and meeting your new roommate. I hope you’ll continue to keep us posted!

    Reply
  3. closetprofessor

    I completely agree with Jay, and I couldn’t have said it better myself. I do hope you find time to keep us updated, but most of all, I hope you have a wonderful experience in college. And remember your Grandpa’s advice, “Learn how to hold your liquor, son.” LOL

    Reply
  4. naturgesetz

    Good luck at school. Keep us posted when you have a chance.

    What seems most significant to me is that Jonathan hasn’t had a girlfriend, as far as you know, since junior high. I put the time at the pool in that context and it seems to me that Jonathan is probably gay, but no more willing to come out to you than you are to come out to him — largely for fear of ruining the friendship.

    I don’t think checking you out means anything. To me what could mean something is that he never brought up talk about girls and avoided having anything to do with the one you pointed out. And BTW your talk about the girls and encouragement to him to talk to the one probably suggests to him that you’re straight. Is that what you wanted him to think? And letting you slide your hand under his waistband without any objection! And why did he run away when you got naked in front of him: so you wouldn’t see his boner — or something else about had him embarrassed? Well, I could be reading too much into all of this. It’s something we gay guys can do. But that’s still my take on it.

    My opinion is that unless you confide in him about your orientation, he may never confide in you about his. Of course it’s a risk. I don’t think it’s likely, but he could be homophobic and reject you. But based on what I’ve read on other people’s blogs, I think it’s more likely that even if he is straight, he’ll be okay with it.

    You’ve got a semester to make new friends and to see how things go if you decide not to hide your orientation (which isn’t exactly the same as coming out when unasked). So enjoy college and see how things go with Jonathan when you’re home on break.

    Reply
    1. Travis Post author

      Well actually he was the one who started talking about girls, and I just went along with it, like I usually do. This isn’t the first time, he talks about girls sometimes, which is why I’ve always thought he was straight. And you gotta get the sunscreen underneath the waist band haha dont worry though, I didn’t go too far and poke his sweet spot (trying to be a little discreet here you know….)

      Reply
  5. The Muffin Man

    Heyyy you are in fact a chill gay dude. I’m reading your blog lmao cuz you are literally writing what went through my head when I went to college. The high school girlfriend. The hot friend you thought (wished) was gay. The not knowing if your roommate is going to hate you (especially if he finds out you’re gay). Been there done it all. I will offer you some advice: I would consider a few things about “coming out” and all that. You are in college with a bunch of educated youngin’s who have really grown up in a hyper aware society, concerning gay people and culture. I’m not saying wear cut off shorts and join campus pride or anything. I’m just saying consider your surroundings and the times. Elizabeth or whoever will totally understand and is probably too busy eye fucking the football team in the cafeteria to really be affected for longer than a FB minute. Don’t bother with your parents. No matter what you do in college they are going to choke it up to you going through a “college phase”. The advice your grandfather gave you about college was by far the most accurate and useful. Learn to hold your liquor!!!! Can’t stress that one enough. If I had a dime every time someone passed out at a party and had a dick drawn on their cheek I’d have paid off my student loans before I graduated. Another huge tip about college. This is a big one so pay attention. If you in fact are friends on FB with your parents: defriend them immediately or block them so they can’t see shit. People will post pictures or put some crazy shit on your timeline and boom, it’s a wrap. Don’t join a frat to get into the best parties, simply make friends with the hottest girls on campus and you’ll be set (joke/talk with them about hot guys on campus). Ummm… Oh and one more thing. You mind as well just get used to smoking the ganja cuz you’re not really going to be able to avoid it.

    Best piece of legitimate advice: learn to manage your time. With out it you are going to either be a hot mess all the time from pulling all nighters or straight up fail out and wind up at home back in hell.

    I don’t know what your long term plans are for this blog but you better keep us updated with what goes down the next couple weeks. I’m not a blogger nor a commentator, but this topic was just too hard to resist.

    Reply
  6. Jeremy

    I just stumbled onto your blog and feel like I’m dejavu. From the several posts I skimmed over, I see so much of myself in you. I started my blog when I was 19, closeted and in college. The best advice I can give to you is to experiment and experience as much as possible while you’re still in school. College is magical.

    Best of luck in life! And don’t worry, you seem like a smart dude with a good head on your shoulders. Things get easier and your struggles you’re going through now, make you a stronger person in the end. Trust me, I know from experience.

    Reply

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