gay encounter at the beach

0021Since I haven’t been working the past week or so I have some free time on my hands.

So I guess I’ll type up the story of what might be the gayest thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s sort of embarrassing for me to write about, and I’ve never told about this to anybody. But I told myself I would hold nothing back on this blog, so here it is.

When I was like 13 or 14, I was on vacation with my family at a beach in North Carolina. There were a lot of surfers on this beach. They were everywhere. So needless to say, it was a pretty entertaining weekend for me. When I got tired of listening to my mom talk about real estate values or Bible values or how there are no values in the Modern Media, I could just block her out and rest my eyes on the blue gray ocean, and watch the surfer guys get up on it, fall down, pick up their boards, swim back out, over and over. Some of them wore those tight wet suits, some of them just shorts. I liked watching all of them.

I wanted to do more than watch them, I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to play with them. Out there in the waves, surfing, and maybe in other ways. I was just figuring out back then that I was gay.

At the back of the beach, near the entrance, there was a little building that had changing rooms and bathrooms. On the second day of our vacation, I was building a sand castle with my brother when I saw one of the surfer guys I’d had my eye on in the morning heading toward the changing room. I kept working on the sand castle while watching him out of the corner of my eye. When I saw he went into the changing room, I waited about ten seconds (you know, not to be too obvious), then told my brother to guard the castle, I’d be right back.

The changing room was dark and humid. The men’s side had a few toilet stalls, a couple urinals, and a shower room at the back. It was a gang shower, there weren’t any cubicles. The surfer guy was in the shower, shampooing his hair, still wearing his board shorts. I went automatically to one of the urinals. I didn’t really need to piss, but I had a good view from there. I could watch him from the corner of my eye. He looked just as good up close. He wore yellow shorts, and he had a muscular, tanned upper body. His hair reached down to his shoulders, and it was blond and curly.

I finished pissing quickly, I could only manage a trickle. First of all I didn’t really have to pee, second of all I was getting hard. So I tucked in and then did something kind of bold, for me anyway. Without thinking about it much, I got under another one of the shower heads and started rinsing off too. I didn’t have any shampoo, or any real reason to be in the shower, so I was just standing under the water, pretending to be getting clean. Meanwhile I was trying to check out the guy, but I could never bring my eyes up to look at him directly.

Another guy came in to use the urinal, then left. I’m not sure how long I’d been in there, but it felt like a really long time. Anyway, I knew it was TOO long. But I stayed. The surfer guy had finished washing his hair a while ago.

Since I’d already rinsed off every part of my body by this point, hair, arms, legs, feet, I was running out of reasons to stay in the shower. So I undid my board shorts just enough to let water in, and rinsed off the parts underneath. And I let them slip down some too, so my pubes and the top of my dick were showing. And I know this might sound weird, but I wanted him to see.

He just kept rinsing off, and still I didn’t look at him and I don’t think he looked at me. I turned around toward the wall pretending to wash off my front side better, and when I did I let the shorts slip down a little more in the back. So like half my ass was showing.

When I turned around again, I saw that the surfer guy was completely naked. He was holding his yellow shorts in his hand. But not only that. With his other hand he was stroking his cock, which was hard, and now I knew he was definitely looking at me.

I’d been pretty hard for a while too, and the only thing that was keeping it from sticking straight up in the air was the fact that the head was still trapped underneath the waist band, making it point straight downward. But I’m pretty sure it was obvious that I was hard by this point.

Anyway, when I saw him stroking himself I freaked out. I started to pull my shorts back up, and at just about the same time, another guy came into the changing rooms and went into one of the stalls. But by that point I was already heading straight for the door without even looking back at the surfer guy. I made sure everything was adjusted right and then stepped back out into the sun. I felt ashamed and guilty. Not so horny anymore.

I ran across the sand and when I got back to my brother he asked me what took me so long, and I told him I had to pee. I was distracted though, I wanted to see the surfer leave the changing room.

“Why didn’t you just go in the ocean?”

Just then I saw the surfer guy leave the changing room, he walked away quickly, with a towel around his waist, and then he was gone.

“Go in the ocean? Ew! That’s gross and dirty.”

He shrugged and said “Fish do it…”

I didn’t say anything, and it was hard for me to talk to my family for a while after, that afternoon. I felt dirty. I couldn’t stop thinking about the surfer. And later, after a while, I started to think about what would’ve happened if I’d stayed there. If we’d gone together into one of the toilet stalls. If I had touched him, and he’d touched me. I got so horny thinking about it, but the thought of it still scared me.

We stayed two more days on the beach, and both days, when I watched the surfers, I looked for that one. But I didn’t see him again.

writing

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You have no idea how much penis I had to wade through on the internet to find this one picture of a guy holding a pen. It was hard. Really HARD. So thank me, guys.

So maybe now that a few people are reading this blog (big thank you to the people who are, by the way), it’s rude to be writing stuff like this that doesn’t really matter to anybody. Is this stuff boring you guys?

Since I started posting on here, I think I’ve written more than I ever have in my life. The weird thing is that even though I’m writing what seems to me like shitloads, there are always about 10 million more things that I can think of to say.

Like this camping trip. I wanted to write about it so that even you guys, who weren’t there, could understand what happened and could see what happened in your head. But I think I did a pretty shitty job. At least not as good of a job as I wanted. Maybe it’s not even possible to do what I wanted to do, unless you’re a really good writer. I’m not that great of a writer. I never got such good grades in English.

Still, like some of you have said, the writing is starting to help me think about all the stuff that’s happening somehow. Don’t really know how. I don’t think it’s solving any problems, but at least it’s helping me to think about them.

Kelly has Linda, and I’m jealous. But not because I want Linda. It’s because Kelly has what I can’t have. And he doesn’t need me anymore.

camping

0019We camped in a gorge. At the bottom of the gorge, like fifty, maybe a hundred feet down, there’s this little brown river. You usually can’t see the river because of the trees. Sometimes the drop off is rocky and steep, and you can look over the treetops and see the cliff on the other side of the gorge.

Now I could tell you a shitload of details abut the camping trip, like how long it took to carry all the boxes of beer that Stan’s brother bought for us over this narrow steep trail to our campsite, along with all our other stuff, or how it was hard as fuck to set up Kelly’s old tent, or how Jonathan and I got obsessed with making the biggest campfire ever and collected a mountain of sticks, or how Kelly rolled a big joint and passed it around and I caved and took some puffs this time because I didn’t want to be the only one not doing it, or how I forgot to pack my pillow, or how Stan forgot to pack basically everything.

I could tell you more of that shit, but none of it’s really important. So I won’t waste your time with all that and I won’t waste my time writing it down.

The important thing is that Kelly sat in the light of the campfire with Linda and he would run his hands up and down the inside of her thigh, and that Linda looked pretty and clean, even when she was sweaty and her hair was messy, and that she never took her eyes off Kelly when he played his guitar, and that Jonathan looked nice too in the light of the fire, and that it was nice to look at him especially when he put his head back to laugh about something, and that it made me want to make him laugh….. and for a minute I wished I was Stan with his jokes. For a minute. Less than that.

But maybe even that stuff isn’t important. The real important thing is that all of them were sitting on one side of the gorge, and I was on the other side, far away from them. They sat in the light of the fire, but I was in the dark, and in between us there was the gorge, which was like a big endless black pit, and even if I wanted to get any closer to them I wouldn’t be able to, because if I tried I would fall in. Maybe they wouldn’t have heard me if I called out to them, even.

Kelly and Linda were in their tent fucking. They had a lantern on and even though it was dim you could see their blurry shadows because the fire light was dying down. Jonathan and I had worked so hard with keeping it up, but it still died down. I didn’t know what time it was, but it felt late, and I was getting tired of Stan always trying to hog the attention, and making jokes about Kelly and Linda. I was getting really sleepy, and didn’t even try to stay in the conversation anymore. Stan went into the dark to piss, and then it was me and Jonathan alone at the fire, saying nothing, listening to the sounds of the bugs. The shapes of Kelly and Linda were still moving. Was he relieved when Stan came back and started talking again? Did he feel weird being alone around me? Am I imagining things?

Jonathan Stan and I slept in the other tent. Stan in the middle. I started hating Stan. And then I laughed at myself for it. I’m a loser. What did I expect? A romantic couples weekend with Jonathan and me on one side, Linda and Kelly on the other? Did I really expect that?

No. I was alone, on my side of the gorge.

I couldn’t fall asleep so I walked outside and added some more sticks to the fire, and then watched it die down again.

boner at the hookah bar

0020Finally met Kelly’s mystery girl last night, at the Hookah Bar. She actually turned out to be the girl Kelly met and was fooling around with at the party when the cops crashed it. I hadn’t paid that much attention to her at the party, so I’m not all that surprised that I hardly recognized her last night. Maybe it was because last night she wore her hair down. It’s really long and blond and straight, and when she’s wearing it this way she looks like a hippie girl. She was wearing a tank top that was really loose, so you could see her bra, and jean shorts that showed off her legs, which are really smooth and long. She’s only a junior, but she could’ve fooled me, she looks like she could be in college. Kelly kept his arm around her shoulder the whole night.

Since this was the first time I’d seen Kelly since the night of the party, they filled in the details of what had happened that night and afterward. This girl Linda didn’t get arrested or anything, she only got a warning. (Which is kind of stupid, because she’d been doing all the same things Kelly was). But later on she managed to get Kelly’s number from another girl at the party, and she texted him and they started talking and the next day when Kelly ran away from his mom’s they met again, and since then they’ve been meeting each other pretty much every single day.

Maybe I should be happy for Kelly, because he’s found someone he likes. But to be honest I’m just kind of pissed that he never replied to my text on the night of the party, or even the one I sent the morning after, and in the meantime he’d been texting this girl like crazy, who might as well have been a total stranger. I mean, I’d been worried about him and he didn’t even bother to tell me what was going on.

Also, it’s hard for me to believe that Kelly is in love. This isn’t the first girl he’s had in the past few years. They never stick around too long. On the phone he sounded serious about this one, but when I saw him with Linda last night, he seemed to act with her the same way he’d acted around the others.

They sat on one side of the table, I sat on the other side on the couch next to Jonathan, and Stan sat between everybody on the inside. I haven’t really said anything about Stan yet. He’s a pretty funny guy. Like last night, he brought a flask to the bar and lifted up his pants leg to show it to us like it was some kind of secret trophy and he acted like a real big shot for having snuck it into the bar. Every fifteen minutes or so, he would look around the room to make sure nobody was watching and take a sneaky drink. He also thinks he’s the king of dirty jokes. Whenever there’s a break in the conversation, Stan jumps in with one of these jokes, the more graphic the better. I noticed that while he was telling them he’d look over to Linda pretty often to see what her reaction was. She laughed along, but I think some of the jokes made her a little uncomfortable, especially when Stan started getting drunker. Then his jokes got sloppier and louder, and it stopped being so funny, especially when we noticed that one of the Arab guys who works at the bar was giving us looks. So we decided to call it a night. It was late anyway.

When I got up I had to be careful to hide the boner in my shorts because the couch Jonathan and I were sitting on wasn’t that big, and for most of the second half of the evening our thighs and our bare knees were touching. Yeah, that’s all it takes for me to get a boner…

Elizabeth didn’t end up coming after all, which actually made me kind of glad, because I hadn’t told her yet about camping and if she’d have found out about it last night she might’ve felt left out of all the planning. This morning I called her and told her that Kelly, Jonathan and I were taking a spontaneous weekend trip, and she asked me why I hadn’t told her sooner, like she was a little disappointed, but I told her it was just going to be a guy’s weekend (leaving Linda out of it) and that I hadn’t rushed to tell her because I know she doesn’t like camping much anyway. She did tell me that, once. She said “Okay then, have fun, I’ll see you when you get back?” and the way she said it sounded slightly let down, but only slightly. I really don’t think she cares.

Anyway, I wanted to make a post telling all this stuff because I probably won’t have the chance to write something again until I get back in a couple of days. I’ve already gotten everything packed and I’m ready to drive to Jonathan’s to pick him up. Signing off!

more phone calls

0016So, after a few more calls, the plan for the weekend is set.

Kelly called me back at 7 and told me that he would be down for going camping if Linda could come too. I almost thought about saying never mind because I don’t really want to spend my last weekend with Kelly as a third wheel, but I said okay, and said that I’d also talked to Jonathan and he might come with. So then I called Jonathan and asked him and he said he would definitely be up for camping (awesome), and said he wondered if Stan would be up for coming too (not quite as awesome), but I said sure and then Jonathan called me back after calling Stan and he said that Stan said he would think about it.

So on Saturday it’s camping with Kelly, his mystery girl, and Jonathan. Tonight: the Hookah Bar with them, Stan, and maybe Elizabeth. And maybe something will be going on after that, but I’m not sure.

Have a lot to get ready for, so I leave you with a hot guy pic. (Speaking of which… can somebody get me this guy’s number?)

planning and shit

0017I talked to Kelly on the phone this morning, and was hoping I would get some more info on the mystery girl, but he didn’t seem too into phone talking. I told him that the count down to when we leave for college is running down super fast, and that I’ve been thinking we should do something really awesome to bring an end to the summer. Normally this is the kind of spontaneous thing Kelly would get excited about, and it’s never been too hard to get Kelly carried away with something if you want him to be, but this time I wasn’t getting an enthusiastic vibe. So I asked him to tell me about this chick, and what makes her so special that he’s spending so much time with her all of a sudden. And then he said: “I think I’m falling in love with her,” which made me laugh out loud. Couldn’t help it. I said “Seriously!?”

And he said yes and asked me what was so funny, and I could hear an edge of saltiness in his voice.

I was like, “You can’t really be falling in love with a girl right now, you leave for college like next week!”

He said that was a typical Travis thing to say, so I asked him what he meant by that and he didn’t answer. Whatever. He just asked me what I had in mind for the weekend.

I told him we could go camping. Or ride down to Six Flags like we did last summer. Or go to the city, or even the beach, I mean there’s a ton of things we could do.

He said he would talk to Linda (that’s this girl’s name, apparently) and then he would get back to me about it later, and then I said alright, and the phone call was finished. The whole thing was kind of lame, but unfortunately I’ve been coming to expect that from Kelly lately.

Jonathan’s coming back from Florida today, so I also texted him to see what he was going to get into this weekend, and he just now replied saying he was actually planning on asking me the same thing, which made me feel kinda good. I told him I would let him know if I heard about anything going on.

Anyway, I checked Facebook and it’s looking like a quiet weekend so far. We’ll see though… I texted Elizabeth, and a couple other people.

Until I hear something, I play Xbox and look for a few more nice pics to post to my blog. Summer life!